WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
