she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
