What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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