Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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