Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
