Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
