"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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