You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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