the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
