Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
