he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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