You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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