I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
As shirtless as possible
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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