Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
