you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
now i know why i became what i already was.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
