oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
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