remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
