I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
