hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
