I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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