Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
only you would photoshop your dick
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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