Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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