She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
