That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
