we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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