i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
