Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
