I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
