You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
