I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
