He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
