you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
