so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
