gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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