he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
