I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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