he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
