I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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