Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
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