I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
