I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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