yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Still dying that you shit outside
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
