you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
