she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
