We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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