yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Soap is not a condiment
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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