And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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