the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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