my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
