Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
