Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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