Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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