ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
