is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
