The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
