Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
