how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
